Molly Malones Cup (the build up) - Reporter on the ground Brian Dunne
This promises to be the biggest thing to happen in Wellington Gaelic football, since the Establishment cup final. The following is a detailed, & honest, break-down of the match & the respective teams.
The Munster/Ulster team will be mentored by mr. Austin O'Carroll. Over the past 22years Austin has traded under the guise of, not only being a proud Dublin man, but also growing up in the scenic Dublin suburb of Ballyfermot (cooler still). But the fraud was exposed last August in the Wellington Irish club in the dead of night - as a few of us hardy souls watched the Dublin v Kerry All-Ireland semi-final. He not only let himself down by Jumping around & yahooing at the final whistle of a very fortunate Kerry win, but he also exposed the Kerry colours underneath his pyjamas. The story goes that his middle name is "Stacks" so, I suppose, We should have guessed the origins of this imposter. The Leinster/Connaught team will be mentored by ms. Anne O'Carroll. Anne's credentials are impeccable. Very closely linked to the fertile & rolling hills of the Ballymun / Finglas area, & she also visited Knock once - on a pilgrimage she carried out in bare feet & carrying a crucifix. Anne is a non-drinker, non-smoker, a daily communicant, & has never gambled in her life. A great cook, with a huge appreciation of Irish culture - particularly Gaelic football. The story goes that she was the best camogie player ever to play the game in the Wellington area - but she's not one to go on about that sort of thing. A great lady & proud leader of this grand bunch of lads.
TEAM HEROES - ROLE MODELS
The Leinster/connaught team have a wealth of individuals they can look to for inspiration. Proud Leinster boys - the likes of Bono, Brendan Behan, Father Murphy, Michael Collins, Charley Haughey, Brian Boru, Maud Gonne, The Spanish Lady, John B. Keane, Gerry Adams, Nelson Mandela, Koffi Annan, John Hume, Phil Lynnott. & the story goes that one of the lads from 'Westlife' comes from Sligo - so them boys will have no shortage of inspiration either. The Munster/Ulster crowd can look to the likes of Ming the merciless (originally from Valencia's Chinatown), Adolf Hitler (Tipp), Benito Mussolini (Cobh), Atilla the Hun (Falcarragh), Idi Amin (Cushendall). It's fairly obvious, from this list of likely lads, what type of game this shower of mongrels are likely to play.
The Kavanaghs v The Dubs. Kerry people have a built in genetic hatred of people from the capital, which certainly isn't reciprocated. Kav snr. (the ugly one) not only dropped Lyons & Cronin from the Sydney squad, but kicked Gormley in the first game, & pushed Gogarty off his bmx in heavy Sydney traffic, putting the pair of them out of the rest of the tournament. In contrast, Dublin people respect everyone - a grand bunch of lads McGeeny v O'Connor It's always been a bone of contention (to the point of heated debate) between these 2 about which one would kick the others arse in a head-to-head struggle. We might find a few answers on Sunday. & as a by the by, if anyone is requiring any medical attention - particularly of the female Scottish variety - O'Connor may be able to help out there (or so rumour has it). Hanna v Horn Horn was gutted when Hanna viciously dropped him from the Sydney squad. I still remember him seeing us off at the airport crying his eyes out. & as we got back, still standing in the same place sobbing, like a big eejit. Did Hanna care???? no, not a jot. It's fair to say there's a grudge here & sparks will fly. O'Reilly v Lyons 2 St. Jude's men going toe to toe. The story goes that O'Reilly reckons he taught Lyons all he knows, whereas Lyons reckons he never listened to a word the "big Cavan eejit" said. Should be a titanic struggle this. O'Kelly v English It's fair to say that English had the better of their last struggle. But this Sligo man is made of stern stuff, & as determined as they come. He reckons Tipp is a "mad place" full of "ninkanpoops". Promises to be a humdinger this one.
& TO SUM IT ALL UP
So there you go, it's all on, there'll be no quarter asked for & no quarter given. The match will also see the return of the imperious Dunner - back from saving the planet in the Amazon rain forest. Could be the last chance this legend will be seen in action before his epic trip to solve the "Irish quetion" (how did they get the figs into the fig rolls???????). So get there early - promises to be a great day.
Brian O Duinn is ainm dom